Don't get me wrong- I am SO SO thankful for an easy one- God knew exactly what we needed in this season of our lives and has given Alee the right type of temperament so that we did not need to be institutionalized! Yet I have found that this easy going, quickly obedient kid is not very good for my sanctification. If I did not have the older 2 to compare to I would be patting myself on the back, saying to myself what a good job of parenting I am doing with this kid. Since I DO have the older 2, it is VERY clear that it is nothing I am doing (we have not changed our parenting style with this one), but it is completely the grace of God and the way she was made. I have found that I all too often look for my self worth in her, happy to be getting some love or adoration from her. You see- the older 2 I often feel like I give, give, give and get nothing in return.
Alee is a different story- she is a snugly, makes everyone feel like they are the best thing in the entire world type of kid. The type of kid that makes me feel confident, like I can do this mothering thing on my own. The other 2 are so much better for me- making me realize that I am completely and utterly deficient in this mothering job. That my best works, my best mothering tactics are like rags, useless, because I am dependent on myself rather than my Savior.
So this long coveted after child, I have come to realize was a good thing God did not give me till now. All those years of looking at other people's easy kids who obey more quickly, are more receptive to correcting and training, and generally just require a lot less physical and emotional input would not have driven me to my knees. I can look at my hard as a rock older 2 kids and smile knowing that God indeed has a plan for them- and one of them is humbling their mother!
4 comments:
I love this post! I am so thankful that it is the Lord who builds our families and not us! :) he knows exactly what we.
That being said, I think you're an amazing mom and have always thought so, even before you had your "easy #3". LOVE YOU!
It has been hard... and I believe that hard things, including this, work God's good. Nevertheless, my prayer is that your children - even the difficult two - WILL "rise up and call you blessed" one day and honor all that you've done for them. And I have always prayed that as your children do not "give back" you would know how pleased and honored God is with your diligent and wise (although, of course, not perfect - and difficult children highlight and exacerbate those imperfections!) efforts as a mother. Sara Beth is right - you are an amazing mother and an inspiration to me and many others - more so BECAUSE you have persevered with difficult children than if your children came out of the womb easy! You could write a book some day that would encourage parents who have those kids that don't respond to the normal "good ideas" :-)
My best friend just shared a message at her church entitled "Motherhood: God's Call to Sanctification" - all about her own journey in motherhood and what God has taught her. You may like to listen to it:
http://www.advancedministry.com/sites/index.cfm?i=8576&mid=18&st=30461
Isn't it so true? I was so quick to judge...BEFORE having kids. There are so many issues that God has worked out in my heart as a result of my kids - from my control issues to...well, more control issues :)
So thankful to be on the journey with you!
(Oh, and the "tough nugget, gotta learn it for myself" kid in this house was most recently found purposefully trying to cut her finger with a sharp knife...guess she didn't believe me...sigh...)
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